Acceptance plays an important role in becoming a resilient leader. Learning how to accept is a powerful skill that provides the leader with armour to protect her from the myths of resilience and many of the pop psychology clichés in the leadership world, such as:
- “Never show weakness”
- “Keep pushing through, no matter what”
- “Always stay positive”
- “Failure is not an option”
These clichés are dangerous because they are fantasies often used by those who are not genuinely resilient. They serve only as self-serving soundbites, designed to sound strong but really masking an inability to accept.
Without accepting that sometimes there will be mistakes, setbacks and failures, the leader will not learn about the parts of her character that need developed and nurtured.
What is Acceptance?
Acceptance is a much-misunderstood skill, mainly misunderstood by the types that prefer to use the clichés listed above. They probably perceive acceptance as weakness because, to them, it might sound like an admission of defeat or incompetence.
Acceptance is not weakness. It is not giving up or accepting defeat. Nor is it a convenient way out of failure.
In the context of resilient leadership, acceptance refers to the ability to recognise and acknowledge reality as it is, without judgement. It means understanding and embracing the present moment, regardless of its difficulty. It is about acknowledging situations and feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
It is an active way of embracing and responding to strong emotions.
Acceptance is, quite possibly, the highest skill in becoming resilient. True resilience is the capacity to accept what you cannot change, control, influence, or prevail over. When facing up to her limitations, the leader will find some of the greatest tests of her resilience. To accept, she must also take responsibility for these limitations. What she can accept is the measure of what her mindset can tolerate.
This mindset allows her to respond to challenges more effectively and to navigate adversity with a clear and balanced perspective. She can see everything as it is.
What If The Leader Can’t Accept?
If a leader struggles to learn acceptance, the ramifications can be significant. An inability to accept locks the leader’s mind into an endless loop of reaction that she can’t, or won’t, control. She sees obstacles, challenges and threats where there are none.
Perceiving everything as a threat is a sign of a mind that is difficult to work with because it is contained and vulnerable. It lacks the maturity to see the lessons in mistakes or failure, choosing to focus on blame and, possibly, retribution. This creates a difficult team environment. Team members now have expend mental energy navigating an unpredictable and uncontrolled mindset.
This unaccepting mindset limits the leader, often to the extent that she cannot develop adequately. If the unaccepting mindset sees threats, obstacles and challenges that are not there, will she agree to the development and growth of team members? Her mindset is now also limiting the innovation, creativity, problem solving and growth within the team. It is driving a toxic team environment.
The leader who struggles to learn acceptance will:
- Experience increased stress and burnout: Continual resistance to reality creates ongoing stress. This not only affects a leader’s physical and mental health but also reduces their effectiveness over time.
- Face deteriorating relationships: Denial and resistance can erode trust and respect among team members and colleagues. A leader who cannot accept feedback or acknowledge mistakes may alienate their team, leading to poor morale and decreased collaboration.
- Make poor decisions: Without acceptance, a leader may base decisions on wishful thinking rather than accurate assessments. This can result in strategic missteps and missed opportunities.
- Create a toxic work environment: A lack of acceptance can foster a blame culture, where problems are externalised rather than addressed constructively. This environment stifles innovation and discourages open communication.
The more a leader focuses on what she wishes she could do, the more she damages herself, her leadership, and her team. There is little point in focusing on ‘what ifs’ and fantasies.
Why is Acceptance Important for Resilience?
Acceptance is a foundational component of resilience for several reasons:
- Reduces emotional distress: By accepting situations as they are, leaders can avoid the additional emotional turmoil that comes from resisting or denying reality. This clarity enables more effective problem-solving and decision-making
- Facilitates adaptability: Acceptance allows leaders to adapt to new circumstances without being paralysed by fear or frustration. This flexibility is crucial in a rapidly changing environment.
- Promotes positive action: When leaders accept a situation, they can shift their focus from what is wrong to what can be done, fostering a proactive and solution-oriented mindset.
- Builds authentic connections: Acceptance promotes empathy and understanding, strengthening relationships with team members and colleagues. This can lead to a more supportive and collaborative work environment.
- Enhances mental well-being: Acceptance contributes to mental health by reducing stress and promoting a sense of peace, even in difficult times. This mental resilience is essential for sustained leadership effectiveness.
10 Strategies to Learn Acceptance
- Understand where your control ends.
There are always things you cannot control or prevail over. A resilient leader will have learned to let go of things she cannot control so she can focus on constructive actions within her influence. To achieve this, she will first learn to distinguish between what she can and cannot control in any situation. She will write down the elements of a challenge or problem and categorise them into controllable and uncontrollable factors.
- Set realistic expectations.
Understand that not all situations will go as planned. By setting realistic expectations, leaders can reduce frustration and find it easier to accept outcomes as they are, rather than as they wish them to be.
- Know that you can always do better.
The leader who learns to accept that she has limitations and that her best performance lies beyond the edges of these limitations can also accept that she can always do better. The resilient leader learns to view this as an exciting opportunity to learn and grow.
- Understand your emotions.
Work on recognising, understanding, and managing your emotions. Emotional intelligence training can help leaders better understand their reactions and develop a more accepting and balanced approach to challenges.
- Practice self-compassion.
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Practicing self-compassion reduces self-criticism and promotes a more accepting attitude towards yourself and your limitations.
- Cultivate patience.
Develop patience with yourself and others. Acceptance often requires time and a patient approach can help leaders remain calm and composed while navigating through challenging situations.
- Embrace change.
Cultivate a mindset that views change as an opportunity rather than a threat. Leaders who accept that change is inevitable can adapt more easily and maintain resilience in the face of uncertainty.
- Learn forgiveness.
True resilience is a mind that accepts diversity and change because that means you a part of more of the world. A successful leader will encounter and interact with lots of different people throughout her leadership journey. The world of work, and leadership, is dynamic. In the workplace, advantages will be sought, including at times when they hurt others and when the advantage sought does not make sense.
The smart way to deal with this is through forgiveness. Like acceptance, forgiveness doesn’t mean agreement or submission. It means that you have let go of the need to be vindicated and accept that things have happened. You are now resetting boundaries and emotions to improve going forward.
- Engage in continuous learning.
Commit to lifelong learning and self-improvement. Viewing every experience, including failures, as a learning opportunity fosters a mindset of acceptance and growth.
- Build a support network.
Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can provide perspective and encouragement. A strong support network can help leaders stay grounded and more readily accept reality as it unfolds.
Conclusion
Acceptance is a pivotal skill in resilient leadership. It allows leaders to navigate challenges with grace, maintain emotional balance, and foster a positive and adaptable work environment. By practicing acceptance, leaders can enhance their resilience, leading to more effective and sustainable leadership. Implementing the actions outlined above can help cultivate acceptance, making resilience not just a trait but a way of life. Embrace acceptance and witness the transformation it brings to your leadership journey.
